Edd Interrupted
Chapter 1 - The End of High School
Everyone in the cul-de-sac would remember the day May Kanker went into
labor during their English Composition final on their last day of high
school. The teacher had gone to the lounge to smoke, leaving her class
alone to copy each other’s work and harass Double D until he was forced
stand at the front of the class to read out his answers.
Nazz was the one who commented on the “spilled pop” under May’s chair.
Everyone had assumed she was sleeping until they all turned to see the
puddle on the tile floor. Then, she groaned, stood, sat on the top of
her desk, grabbed her knees, and pushed. Ten minutes later, Kevin and
Nazz had finished copying Double D’s test, Ed and Eddy had snuck to the
cafeteria, Double D had fainted, and the rest of the class had gathered
around to watch May give birth into her sister Lee’s hands.
By the time four o’ clock rolled around and the last bell of the last
day of high school had rung, May was at the hospital, her thirty year
old boyfriend was being arrested, and the rest of the cul-de-sac was
home, basking in the glory of the end of their government enforced
schooling.
Ed was heading to the coast for football camp all summer, required by
his athletic scholarship. It was the only way Ed could have gotten into
college, and the only way he would ever make a living: running into
stuff. Rolf was going back to “the old country” for the next couple of
years, Nazz was registered at the cosmetology school across town, Eddy
was heading south for his brother’s wedding, and it seemed like everyone
had plans for the summer except Double D.
Registration at the university didn’t start until September, so May to
August would be void of stimulation. There wasn’t even any homework to
do for the next school year.
So, two weeks after graduation, Double D was home alone while his
parents were out of the country. Double D didn’t usually mind the
solitude, but after five days of not speaking to anyone but himself, he
was anxious for human contact.
That came in the form of Kevin, ironically enough, when Double D went
out one morning to check his mail.
Kevin had gotten a black SUV as a graduation present and he and Nazz
spent a lot of time admiring it. They were testing the stereo system
that morning when Double D crept down the driveway in his bathrobe and
house slippers. When he thought he wanted human interaction, he didn’t
think to specify that he wanted it from someone other than the ex-head
cheerleader and ex-varsity pitcher of the baseball team. He had turned
to shuffle back into the house when Kevin, of all people, called out to
him.
“Hey, Double Dork!”
Gathering himself, Double D turned around and pasted a polite smile onto
his face. Any seventeen year old being heckled should have never been
so forcibly polite. “Good morning, Kevin. Nazz.”
She smiled, batting her long, thick eyelashes. “Hey, Double D. Nice
jammies.”
He resisted the urge to inform her that it was a robe. “That’s a very
handsome car, Kevin.”
“Yeah, isn’t it sexy?” Nazz giggled.
“I’m not sure how an inanimate object could be sexy, but--”
“What’re you up to today, dork?” Kevin asked, eyes unreadable beneath
his mirrored sunglasses.
Why would Kevin care? “I was going to scrub the baseboards.”
Kevin chuckled while Nazz giggled wildly, as though dust on baseboards
was somehow funny. It was a very serious matter to Double D.
“I’ve got stuff to do,” Nazz said. “See you guys later.”
Kevin turned off the stereo and focused his attention on Double D,
studying him through his sunglasses. Double D shifted awkwardly under
the weight of that gaze, occasionally glancing down to the mail in his
hand, over his shoulder at his house, to Kevin again, mail, house . . .
“You wanna come over for a swim, dork?”
The question was so abrupt and unexpected that he flinched and dropped
his mail. Kevin laughed softly to himself as Double D scrambled to pick
it all up.
“No, thank you. I have too much to do today. The baseboards haven’t
been thoroughly scrubbed in weeks.”
“Yeah, I don’t even know what baseboards are.” Kevin slid his
sunglasses up into his auburn hair and hitched up his board shorts.
“Seriously. Let’s go.”
“I’m in my bathrobe!” he cried.
“Then go put on a swim suit.”
“I don’t own one.”
Kevin frowned. “Bull.”
“I’ve never needed one.”
“So, lemme get this. You’re rejecting my social invitation.”
When he put it like that . . . “It’s more complicated. How can I swim
without a swim suit?”
“You can borrow one of mine.”
“I couldn’t. You’re much more muscular than I am. And taller.
Muscular and better able to fill out a bathing suit than I--”
Kevin slid the sunglasses back down. “Are you hitting on me?”
“W-what?” Double D dropped his mail again. “I . . . I need to get
home. I have much to do and I would be remiss to let the dust build up
one more day. I’ve been lazy enough. The house is in shambles--”
“Don’t piss yourself, Double Dork. You can be attracted to guys if you
want.”
Without any sort of rational come back, Double D fled, dropping coupons
and losing his slippers as he ran home and buried himself in the
pleasantly mindless task of scrubbing. He made it a point not to see
Kevin for the rest of the summer.
