Edd Interrupted

Chapter 1 - The End of High School

Everyone in the cul-de-sac would remember the day May Kanker went into labor during their English Composition final on their last day of high school. The teacher had gone to the lounge to smoke, leaving her class alone to copy each other’s work and harass Double D until he was forced stand at the front of the class to read out his answers.

Nazz was the one who commented on the “spilled pop” under May’s chair. Everyone had assumed she was sleeping until they all turned to see the puddle on the tile floor. Then, she groaned, stood, sat on the top of her desk, grabbed her knees, and pushed. Ten minutes later, Kevin and Nazz had finished copying Double D’s test, Ed and Eddy had snuck to the cafeteria, Double D had fainted, and the rest of the class had gathered around to watch May give birth into her sister Lee’s hands.

By the time four o’ clock rolled around and the last bell of the last day of high school had rung, May was at the hospital, her thirty year old boyfriend was being arrested, and the rest of the cul-de-sac was home, basking in the glory of the end of their government enforced schooling.

Ed was heading to the coast for football camp all summer, required by his athletic scholarship. It was the only way Ed could have gotten into college, and the only way he would ever make a living: running into stuff. Rolf was going back to “the old country” for the next couple of years, Nazz was registered at the cosmetology school across town, Eddy was heading south for his brother’s wedding, and it seemed like everyone had plans for the summer except Double D.
Registration at the university didn’t start until September, so May to August would be void of stimulation. There wasn’t even any homework to do for the next school year.

So, two weeks after graduation, Double D was home alone while his parents were out of the country. Double D didn’t usually mind the solitude, but after five days of not speaking to anyone but himself, he was anxious for human contact.

That came in the form of Kevin, ironically enough, when Double D went out one morning to check his mail.

Kevin had gotten a black SUV as a graduation present and he and Nazz spent a lot of time admiring it. They were testing the stereo system that morning when Double D crept down the driveway in his bathrobe and house slippers. When he thought he wanted human interaction, he didn’t think to specify that he wanted it from someone other than the ex-head cheerleader and ex-varsity pitcher of the baseball team. He had turned to shuffle back into the house when Kevin, of all people, called out to him.

“Hey, Double Dork!”

Gathering himself, Double D turned around and pasted a polite smile onto his face. Any seventeen year old being heckled should have never been so forcibly polite. “Good morning, Kevin. Nazz.”

She smiled, batting her long, thick eyelashes. “Hey, Double D. Nice jammies.”

He resisted the urge to inform her that it was a robe. “That’s a very handsome car, Kevin.”

“Yeah, isn’t it sexy?” Nazz giggled.

“I’m not sure how an inanimate object could be sexy, but--”

“What’re you up to today, dork?” Kevin asked, eyes unreadable beneath his mirrored sunglasses.

Why would Kevin care? “I was going to scrub the baseboards.”

Kevin chuckled while Nazz giggled wildly, as though dust on baseboards was somehow funny. It was a very serious matter to Double D.

“I’ve got stuff to do,” Nazz said. “See you guys later.”

Kevin turned off the stereo and focused his attention on Double D, studying him through his sunglasses. Double D shifted awkwardly under the weight of that gaze, occasionally glancing down to the mail in his hand, over his shoulder at his house, to Kevin again, mail, house . . .

“You wanna come over for a swim, dork?”

The question was so abrupt and unexpected that he flinched and dropped his mail. Kevin laughed softly to himself as Double D scrambled to pick it all up.

“No, thank you. I have too much to do today. The baseboards haven’t been thoroughly scrubbed in weeks.”

“Yeah, I don’t even know what baseboards are.” Kevin slid his sunglasses up into his auburn hair and hitched up his board shorts. “Seriously. Let’s go.”

“I’m in my bathrobe!” he cried.

“Then go put on a swim suit.”

“I don’t own one.”

Kevin frowned. “Bull.”

“I’ve never needed one.”

“So, lemme get this. You’re rejecting my social invitation.”

When he put it like that . . . “It’s more complicated. How can I swim without a swim suit?”

“You can borrow one of mine.”

“I couldn’t. You’re much more muscular than I am. And taller. Muscular and better able to fill out a bathing suit than I--”

Kevin slid the sunglasses back down. “Are you hitting on me?”

“W-what?” Double D dropped his mail again. “I . . . I need to get home. I have much to do and I would be remiss to let the dust build up one more day. I’ve been lazy enough. The house is in shambles--”

“Don’t piss yourself, Double Dork. You can be attracted to guys if you want.”

Without any sort of rational come back, Double D fled, dropping coupons and losing his slippers as he ran home and buried himself in the pleasantly mindless task of scrubbing. He made it a point not to see Kevin for the rest of the summer.


               ~~~~~~~~ Back to Kevin/Edd ~~~~~~~~ Chapter 2



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