Edd Interrupted
Chapter 23 - Summer After Senior Year V
Double D didn’t wake up until a week later. His doctors had thought he
was in a coma, save for the few times he’d woken up, looked around the
room, and went back to sleep. Kevin never managed to catch him when he
was awake.
It wasn’t until he got a call from Eddy saying that Double D was awake
and staying awake that Kevin finally got to see him. He was relieved
Double D’s parents weren’t there. It would have been awkward trying to
say what he needed to say with them listening in.
He had his hands in his pockets and his cap pulled low over his eyes
when he sauntered into Double D’s room. It was clean and private which
hopefully made him happy.
“Hey, babe,” he murmured lazily as he shut the door behind him.
Somewhere along the lines, the name “dork” had become obsolete. Kevin
didn’t like the feel of it in his mouth anymore.
Double D was sitting up with a book in his lap. He wasn’t draped in
tubes anymore, save for the IV in his arm. He looked well enough to be
moving around. The side of his face was still a mess of purple and
green and the stitches on his head were covered with a small bandage.
In Kevin’s opinion, he looked ready to go home. Then again, that was
probably just Kevin wanting him home.
“The school year’s starting up soon,” he said. He kicked the chair
beside the bed and slumped into it, rubbing the back of his head. “You
going?”
Double D shut his book. “No. I am deferring for a semester.”
“You gonna stay in Peach Creek?”
“I’m not sure. Mother and Father have not discussed it with me yet.”
“Do they come and see you?”
“Occasionally.”
“Not too lonely here, are you?”
He sighed and looked away from him. “No, Kevin. Thank you for your
kind inquiries.”
“Don’t go formal on me.” Seeing him this way, bruised and cut up and
shaky reminded him of last summer, and it shamed him. “Where were you
bailing to that morning?”
“I wasn’t bailing.” He set his book down on his bedside table next to
his plastic cup of lime green sports drink. “I was going to the
airport. I planned to go apartment shopping before school started.”
“You still moving in with your punk boyfriend?”
“Jason and I have parted ways.”
“Why’s that?”
“I’m afraid I am not in the mood for chit chat, Kevin. Perhaps we could
have a lovely conversation once I am feeling a little better. You
could leave the number of your apartment and--”
“It was hard seeing you that way. I’ve never felt helpless like that
before. Scared the shit out of me.”
“A vulgar coin of phrase, Kevin.”
“I know. My language.” He took his cap off and ran both hands through
his hair, tussling it. “I want you to move in with me. Up at school.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. You and I have nothing in common.”
“Sure we do.”
“Oh, really? I challenge you to name five things quickly. And no
hesitating.”
“We both love my cock, we both love your ass, we both love each other,
last Christmas was one of the best times we’d ever had, and last summer
was one of the worst.”
Double D frowned and pushed the blankets off his legs. They were
suffocating him. “I don’t want to talk about that. I’m convalescing.”
Kevin stood and braced his hands on the pile of pillows behind his head,
leaning in to try to catch his mouth in a kiss. But Double D jerked
his head away, avoiding him. He’d never done that before. Unwilling to
be deterred, Kevin kissed his temple instead and buried his nose in his
hair.
“Babe, you’ve got to let me fix this.”
“Nothing is broken,” he spat stubbornly. “We’re both healthy and well.”
“You’re so damn cute when you’re obstinate,” he chuckled. “You like my
big word? I’m not a total dope. Bet you never knew that, did you?” He
kissed the fragrant flesh behind his ear. “You’re a good influence on
me.”
He was startled when he heard Double D sniff and turn his head farther
away. He snatched up his hat and pulled it over his head, haphazardly
stuffing his hair up into it until it was hidden from view. Kevin had
to bend down to see his face and found his lower lip trembling and his
eyes wide with unshed tears. With gentle fingers, he pulled his chin
enough so he could look down at him fully.
“Babe, you’re killing me,” he mourned.
“Please go away. Please just go away.” He made a hiccupping sob that
broke Kevin’s heart.
“Ssh, babe. Gimmie a break, all right?” He caressed his cheek softly.
“I’m trying to apologize here.”
“I don’t believe you!”
“I am! What do you want me to say? What can I do?”
“What can you do? What can you do?! You can leave, mister! I refuse
to be party to this toxic relationship anymore! I have seen its
physical and emotional scarring, and if I had any sense of preservation,
I would be wise to extract myself from your influence!”
“My influence? The hell does that mean?”
“Your rash and brutal way of solving problems! Kevin wants what he
wants without considering anyone around him! Stomp on my feelings and .
. . and to . . . to hell with me!”
Double D reached down and jerked the IV from his arm and slapped it down
on his bedside tray before climbing clumsily out of his bed, gripping
the bend of his elbow where the needle had been. In his bare feet and
paper gown, he stomped across the room and stopped in front of the
cabinets, stuck, as though he didn’t quite know where to go or what he’d
been planning to do.
Kevin watched him fidget for a few moments. Now, Kevin was neither
sensitive nor eloquent. Everything he came up with in his head sounded
hokey or insincere. And matters just grew worse the more he listened to
Double D’s low, broken weeping. Unacceptable.
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do,” he said after a few minutes.
He’d crept up behind the smaller boy and wrapped one arm around his
belly and the other across his skinny chest. He rested his chin on top
of his head. “I’m sorry I hurt you, and I’ll have to live with that. I
would watch you come out to get your mail and my gut would be in knots.
You don’t know how many times I wanted to come up and see you during
the school year. It was like . . . every Friday, I’d pack my bag . . . I
even got onto the freeway a few times, but I’d chicken out. And then
your punk boyfriend showed up . . .” His grip got tighter. “That
punk-ass-know-nothing, I wanted to lock him in a dark box and sink him
in the creek.”
He turned him around so he could face him. On whim, he yanked the hat
off his head and plunged his fingers into that dark mass of silky locks,
carefully minding the bandage on his temple. He shook him a little,
forcing Double D’s watery gaze onto him. “I can’t go back to that.
Dammit . . . I need you with me. I have to wake up with you and know
what you’re doing during the day and I have to sleep next to you. I
have to feel you under me and around me. I have to know you’re mine and
you won’t be anyone else’s and that you’ll always be mine. Fucking
mine! Do you understand that?!” He gave him another panicky shake,
like his mouth and thoughts had overwhelmed him and he was on emotional
autopilot now. It was jarring to know Kevin had emotions deeper than
baseball games.
When Double D said nothing, just looked up at him in stunned confusion,
he could feel the situation slipping out of his control. It had never
been in his control. What the hell was he doing here if he couldn’t fix
this?
“Dammit . . .” With a choked noise, he bent down to kiss him, hard. He
curled his fingers in Double D’s hair as his lips made an impassioned
plea for him to respond, reciprocate, accept. “Please . . .” His mouth
sucked at his lower lip. “Don’t do this to me . . . You can’t make me
leave you . . .”
It vaguely occurred to him that Double D had begged this way, asked him
not to send him away, asked him to reconsider his decision and remember
everything they’d been together. A cold lump formed in his stomach when
he realized that he couldn’t ask Double D to accept when Kevin hadn’t.
He’d finally built his half of the bridge, but it was too late. Double
D had already disappeared into the stormy waters below.
He pulled back enough to see the delicate face cupped in his trembling
hands. He was still crying and Kevin used his thumbs to wipe the tears
from his cheeks.
“I love you,” he said vehemently, shaking his face again, as though
shaking would help his ex-lover absorb the information better. “And I
can never find anyone else. I’ll only hear your voice and see your face
and feel your hands. Babe . . . Double D . . . I love you . . . I love
you . . .” He pressed the bridge of his nose against his wet cheek.
“Tell me you believe me . . .”
“. . . I don’t.”
The cold lump in his stomach got heavier and he briefly feared he would
heave all over the hospital floor. But he didn’t. He kissed him one
more time and slid his hands away from the smaller boy. It made his
fingertips burn, fearing he would never touch him again.
He stood back, flexing his fingers as though he could rid himself of the
painful sensation of separation. As though lost, he rubbed his palms
against his jeans, ran his hands through his hair, and looked down at
Double D one more time. Still in his hospital gown, he was shaking like
a leaf in a hurricane and trying to wipe his tears with the back of his
hands. He stored the image away in his memory, because it would have
to last him.
And then he left and didn’t come back.
