Finding Terra Firma
Dawn came slowly. First, nothing but a slim ribbon of dark, dreamy
purple on the horizon. Then, maroon and magenta, mulberry and mauve.
From the wrought iron rail of his balcony, Butler watched it progress.
When was the last time he’d watched a sunrise?
Not twenty feet from him, his charge lay fast asleep in his bed. Not “his bed” as in “Artemis Fowl’s bed,” but “his bed” as in his—Domovoi
Butler’s—bed. His black hair stained the pillowcase, his lithesome body
spread out, all long limbs and pale skin. If Butler shut his eyes, he
could just make out the soft rise and fall of his breathing. His grip
on the rail tightened.
Put the principal first, said every rule drilled into him since birth. The principal is your life, your blood, your reason for existence. Butler drew a slow breath, feeling the icy morning air tickle his throat on the way down. Never doubt an order. Never hesitate, and, of course, Butler let the breath out, watching it condense instantly: Never make attachments.
He sighed. Well, obviously, it was too late for that. He had officially
broken the code of attachment back in Knightsbridge, the moment he
revealed his first name. Dying on the floor of a fish restaurant, it
hadn’t seemed to matter. Of course, there was a rather pointed
difference between revealing his first name and dragging his charge
naked to the sheets.
The former could be—had been—overlooked, on account of extenuating
circumstances: no one had expected him to get back up after a bullet
wound to the heart. Butler frowned at the thought of attempting to
explain the “extenuating circumstances” of the latter to his old Master.
Well, you see, he already knew my name, so I figured, why not sleep
with him too? He’s really quite stubborn when he sets his mind to
something. Not to mention extremely persuasive…
Oh, yes, thought Butler. He imagined that would go over just spectacularly.
Scowling dejectedly, he strummed thick fingers on the cold rail.
Eighteen years. For eighteen years he had served as the
Fowl heir’s ever-present guardian. He’d witnessed his first piano
recital, given him his first dictionary, taught him to play
chess—lost, of course, but that was beside the point. Domovoi Butler
had watched Artemis grow from Adam, spent more time raising him than
his parents, lived and breathed virtually every second of every day with him and yet, somehow, he had missed the crucial shift.
At what point had the thin, pale-faced boy locked behind the computer
screen become the bright, sure-sighted young man now tangled in his bed
sheets? When, pray tell, had Artemis Fowl grown up?
He’d signed up for an unadorned, solitary lifestyle. No ifs ands or
buts. Just rules. Orders. Straightforward things. And what did he get?
Behind him, Artemis stirred in the sheets. Butler glanced over his shoulder—and immediately regretted it.
Fuchsia sunlight filled the bedroom. It spilled in from the balcony, flooded the floor, and overflowed onto the sheets. It painted
his charge. Pink and gold across his chest, ruby and sapphire in his
hair. Before Butler’s eyes, dawn’s fingers played Picasso on every inch
of fair flesh available, making a masterpiece of the blank canvas of
Artemis’ skin, and the result took his breath away. Then, Artemis
yawned, body drawing up like a cat in his sleep, unwittingly ushering
the sheets lower.
Butler forced his gaze to the horizon.
That, he thought. That was what he got. The single most
brilliant, beautiful, impossibly complicated bundle of trouble the
world had ever seen; a hundred and twenty pounds of record genius,
striking character, and more dry wit and sarcastic humor than could
fill twenty textbooks. Butler smiled grimly. Of all the stodgy, rich
old bastards in the world waiting, begging for a handyman, he, Domovoi
Butler, had gotten Artemis Fowl. Perhaps it was the luck of the Irish
after all.
“Butler…” The barely audible utterance made Butler jump. “If you’re
quite through reassuring yourself that the sun will, in fact, rise
perfectly well unsupervised…would you mind sparing a moment to fetch me
some suitable morning attire?” inquired Artemis, voice little more than
a muffled rustle beneath the sheets. “It seems that in my haste to rid
myself of last night’s garments, I failed to predict the state they’d
be in come morning…oh, and remind me to tell father your mattress needs
replacing. There’s a lump in it somewhere that irked me half the
night…not to mention I’m reasonably certain it creaked. Hardly optimal. Also…” For a moment, the strain of words paused. Then, “Butler, are you listening to me?”
Said bodyguard blinked, momentarily at a loss for words. Then, after
promptly shaking his head to clear it, he nodded. “I…yes, sir, of
course,” he replied, working very hard to act both completely natural
and simultaneously stare at anything but
his charge as he stepped in from the balcony—difficult, considering
Artemis chose that exact moment to sit up, toss all but a thin sheet
back from his body, and begin stringing drowsy fingers through a thick
mass of thoroughly bed-tousled black locks. “Chemise or polo? And what
color?”
“Pastel button-down, if you would,” said Artemis, “anything but yellow.
And make it something other than silk…cotton maybe. Something light…and
khaki slacks. Have you made breakfast yet?” Butler opened his mouth.
“No wait…forget I asked,” interrupted Artemis. “Of course you haven’t.
You’ve been lamenting all morning.” Butler frowned. “No matter. Just
leave the clothes outside the bathroom door. I am in desperate need of
a shower and feel as if I’ve been rear ended by a fright train…I’ll
meet you downstairs and you may deliver the rough draft there.”
Butler tilted his head, paused with one hand on the door. “The…rough draft, sir…?”
“Yes, Butler, the rough draft,” Artemis repeated, undeterred, frowning
as his fingers caught a knot. “The one that starts ‘You’re too young
and I’m too old,’ almost undoubtedly contains some drastically
exaggerated number of highly respectable yet completely unnecessary
words like ‘duty’ ‘honor’ and ‘respectability,’ and may or may not end
with a ridiculously frivolous reason for why ‘it would never work.’
Mind you I’d certainly prefer the latter, but dread the former considering…” Artemis took a breath, then met Butler’s gaze. “I have watched you kill people, Butler……but I have never seen you look so guilty.”
“I…” Butler met his charge’s gaze—fifteen years old, a reformed
criminal mastermind as mind-bogglingly brilliant as he was arrogant,
and yet—he dropped his gaze. “Artemis-”
“Butler,” Artemis interrupted, and when their eyes met again, he arched
an eyebrow. “Clothes?” he inquired. Butler blinked. “Unless of course,”
continued Artemis, “you’d rather I make do withou-”
“Yes! I mean…no, no, you won’t need…that is…” Butler cleared his
throat. “I’ll have them right over,” he promised. “Is there
anything…specific…you want? Er…for breakfast…that is.”
“Mm…” Artemis appeared to contemplate for a moment, and if he hadn’t
known better, Butler might have thought he was examining his nails.
Then, he said, “Something…savory. An egg dish, perhaps…but not an
omelet. Poached, I think…with cheese…and brioche.”
Butler bowed. “I’ll have it ready,” he said.
Fifteen minutes later, Butler stood alone in the Fowl kitchen, pureeing
basil, garlic, and oil for pistou, and adding water to a medium
skillet, sincerely regretful that his younger master had not been more
in the mood for something that involved a good deal more chopping.
Minced carrots or nuts would have done the trick. Maybe even something
that needed to be shot before served. A deer—or elephant. Butler tapped
the counter listlessly, frowning at the still water. Waiting for pots
to boil did very little to ease tension.
Really, though, he reasoned silently, what had he expected of his
charge? Bashfulness? Insecurity? He snorted at the thought, shaking his
head as he retrieved eggs from the fridge. “Bashful” and “Artemis Fowl”
hardly fit in the same sentence, let alone defined each other. Still,
insecure or not, carrying on regularly from this point seemed a near—if
not total—impossibility. Which, of course, brought back to mind
Artemis’ demand for the “rough draft.” Butler sighed.
Quite honestly, all things practical, Artemis should have fired him
years ago. After the cryogenics incident, he had never been the same.
Never as fast. Never as efficient. He couldn’t protect
Artemis the way he used to. Over time, he had worked on it, of course,
trained his body back up, and now he was still probably better than the
overwhelming majority simply due to experience—but he wasn’t the best.
Somewhere out there, somewhere along the line, there was someone who
could take him down, and God help him if that person ever came between
him and Artemis. He’d never forgive himself.
Convincing Artemis of that, however…
“Surely,” The soft voice from the kitchen archway nearly resulted in a
crushed as opposed to cracked egg, “it’s not as bad as all that…is it?” drawled Artemis, and Butler stared.
If guards were not meant to engage in intimate relations with their
employers, there had to be some sort of rule that forbid any principle
under the age of thirty from presenting themselves to anyone
anything less than fully dressed, towel-dry, and one hundred percent
professional—which, of course, completely ruled out Artemis’ current
state: shower-damp, pink-cheeked, and barefoot. The fact that his
loose, casual dress looked precariously easy to take off didn’t help.
Butler swallowed thickly. “Artemis, you’re…here,” he observed, and
Artemis raised an eyebrow, expression almost amused as he crossed the
threshold into the kitchen.
“So it would seem,” he agreed, stepping up beside Butler and casually
rescuing the imperiled egg from almost certain death. “You have my
apologies for the rather brash morning greeting earlier. Did you sleep
well?”
“I…” Butler watched with a distracted, third party air as Artemis’
fingers closed around the breakfast ingredient, slightly more focused
on the soft, petal texture of the his charge’s touch than the actual
exchange. “Beautiful,” he said. Then, at Artemis’ look he shook his
head. “Ly,” he added hastily. “Beautifully. I slept very,” He cleared his throat, “well. Thank you.”
“Mm.” Artemis’ expression alone betrayed his disbelief, but he made no comment. Instead, held up the egg. “How many?”
Butler stared at the dairy product. “Uh…”
“Eggs,” clarified Artemis. “How many eggs do you plan to cook?”
Cursing his distraction, Butler forced his attention elsewhere, trying
rather unsuccessfully to convince himself that cold marble countertops
really were a much more fascinating sight than long black lashes,
hazel-blue eyes, and pearly white skin. If anything, it made things
worse.
“It depends,” he answered eventually. “How hungry are you?”
For some time, the silence stretched between them. Then, finally, the
Fowl heir sighed, and Butler ventured a sideways glance. He found his
charge with his back to the counter, eyes downcast and distant.
“Artemis-”
“Again, I apologize,” said Artemis. “I thought perhaps…” He shut his
eyes, then shook his head. “I thought it could wait until after
breakfast, but now I see some things were simply not made to be put
off. I imagine it is in both of our best interests to just do it now
and get it over with.”
Butler frowned. “Do…what, exactly?”
Artemis looked up. “I mean I believe you should give it to me now,” he said, and Butler stared.
“Ah…Artemis, are you su-”
“Your speech, Butler,” snapped Artemis, impatient, “your
excuses. Quote your teacher or your rulebook, your morals or your
ethnic code…say there are too many years between us, that it’s not
right or proper, or that it would compromise your duties to me as a
guard…hell, Butler, tell me I can’t kiss to save my life and you’d
rather procreate with a horse if that’s the case, but you left the bed
at four thirty-six this morning, rose, dressed, and spent almost three
hours alone on a cold balcony, don’t tell me you just wanted to
watch the sun rise…I-” A single finger stopped the sentence, and
Artemis’ eyes darted up, sapphire and topaz, to meet Butler’s.
“Artemis,” he said quietly, “you kiss magnificently.”
Artemis laughed breathlessly. “I see,” he said, “and that’s why you
can’t seem to find it in your heart to meet my eyes this morning?”
After a moment, Butler sighed and withdrew his hand. “In a way, yes,”
he admitted. “Artemis…you know as well as I do that all the arguments
you mentioned are valid. I-”
“Do I?” interrupted Artemis. “Name one.”
“Our ages?” offered Butler.
“Oh, yes,” agreed Artemis with sarcastic emphasis. “There are, what, a
full…eighteen years between us? I can see how that would put
magnanimous gaps in our relationship…especially considering how well I handle the masses society deems ‘age appropriate’ for me…”
“Twenty-one years after the time warp, Artemis,” corrected Butler, “and
you don’t handle your peers all that poorly…” At Artemis’ look he
almost winced. “Well not too terribly poorly!” he defended, and Artemis rolled his eyes.
“A second piece of rock solid wisdom, if you would?” the young Fowl prompted, and Butler sighed.
“How about your safety? My first order of duty is your absolute protection, and, as you
already mentioned, attachments compromise that. A personal relationship
would be…distracting…among other things, not to mention dangerous.”
“Mm, of course,” said Artemis, “and that argument makes
perfect sense because before last night, you obviously had absolutely
no emotional attachment to me whatsoever, and, naturally, if we cease
and desist this instant, any possibly distracting emotional attachments
present now would no doubt immediately disintegrate, leaving you as
cold, hard, and ruthless as you’ve always been, am I right?”
Butler glowered. “You’re not making this very easy.”
“Should I be?”
“You were the one who asked to hear this…”
“So that I could argue each point to dust!” said Artemis. “Think of
it,” he advised, “as an…opportunity of sorts. A chance to get
everything off your chest before I crush every point you make, convince
you of the futility of it all, and we both move on with our lives.”
“And live happily ever after?”
“To the most plausible extent, yes.”
Butler resisted the urge to groan. “Artemis…” The words trailed off,
and eventually, he sighed. “What about your parents?” he asked. “In
case you haven’t guessed, physical intimacy wasn’t part of the job
description, and I’m reasonably certain it wasn’t something they
bargained for when signing my contract…something tells me they wouldn’t
be too pleased with the change of plans.”
Artemis rolled his shoulders, shrugging it off. “At this point, Butler,
I hardly see it as any of their business. Legally, I’m eighteen and
fully capable of making my own decisions on such matters, and while I
love them, quite honestly, their opinions on my personal affairs are
little of my concern.” He paused, then added, “Of course, if it’s the
job description that bothers you…I’d gladly alter some fine print and
up your paycheck to ease your conscience…”
“My…” Realization dawning, Butler’s cheeks flared, and he glared down his wickedly grinning charge. “Artemis, this is serious, you know…”
“I was being serious,” countered Artemis.
Butler snorted. “My paycheck is hardly the thing at issue and you know
it, and if not your parents, then what of everyone else? Holly? Foaly?
Minerva? The rest of the world in general?”
“I hardly see Holly minding, Foaly will either come around or he won’t,
Minerva informed me of my sexuality, and the rest of the world?
Frankly, I haven’t had much practice caring what the rest of the world
thinks.”
Butler sighed. “Then what about you, Artemis? You’re young. You have every option open to you. You could have anyone. Don’t you think you deserve better than-”
“-than what?” snapped Artemis. “Better than you? Not possible. Better
than anyone and everyone else in the world other than you? Well, I most
certainly hope so.”
“Artemis-”
“I don’t want anyone else, Domovoi! I have a man
with whom I’ve spent virtually every waking moment of my life, one whom
I’ve learned more from and admitted more to than anyone I know, and
whom I love…more deeply and dearly than I ever thought possible
of anyone…let alone myself. I…” Artemis swallowed thickly, shut his
eyes, and turned his head. “I have nothing more to search for,” he
murmured softly. “There is no shallow girl in the world I want more
than you…no boy on this earth that could ever hope to take your place.
I know this. If you regret anything, by all means, tell me now, but if you think for one second that I-”
If possible, Artemis’ lips tasted better than Butler remembered.