Someone Out There
Chagrin Falls, OH (population: 4000) wasn’t exactly the gay Mecca of the world. Andy’s high school was a white wash filled with clean-cut straight kids. Andy’s been hearing ‘faggot’ and ‘that’s so gay’ since he was 9 years old on the playground. He never laughed, never participated; it felt … wrong. One day when he was 10 he returned home from school and asked his mom, “Is it wrong to be gay?”
His mom looked at him with soft eyes and stroked his hair. “Of course not, baby. Did someone tell you that?”
Andy shrugged. “The kids at school. They say mean things.”
She pulled him close and hugged him. “To you, sweetheart?”
“No, in general. It doesn’t seem right, though.”
She pulled back and kissed his forehead. “It isn’t. It’s called ignorance and bigotry. Most of these kids have inherited this frame of mind from their parents.”
His mom was a psychiatrist and it was times like these when she became overly clinical. Andy didn’t mind, though. All that mattered was her reassurance that he wasn’t wrong for feeling this way.
When Andy was 13, his body started changing. At night he felt a need, low in his belly. He’d trail his fingertips along his skin, touching areas he’d never given much thought to before. Andy didn’t know what to think in moments like this; he barely even knew how to feel. In the morning he heard a noise outside his window. The little girl next door was bouncing on her trampoline. Suddenly, Andy flashed on an image of Sid’s yard. He’d watch as Sid would kneel down and set off firecrackers. To Andy, Sid had been the coolest thing in existence.
Sid got left back in 4th grade and Andy didn’t have any classes with him. When he’d take the bus home from school he’d see Sid walking in the distance.
In high school, Andy tried to make friends with the kids who weren’t ignorant; they were few and far between. A few of his friends on the math league weren’t too bad (in Andy’s experience, geeks were just nicer) but then he started playing basketball and learned to despise the locker room and its inherent homophobia.
Now he’s sixteen, horny, and wishing there was someone, anyone he could kiss. Sunday night with nothing to do he searches the web, finding chat rooms on the Out in Ohio site. There aren’t too many people in the room for teens. Andy clicks on each of the profiles. His eyes widen when one reveals the location Chagrin Falls. The guy’s screen name is Vicious69. Andy feels a thrill of excitement he can’t explain. He watches the correspondence on the screen. A few guys try to engage Vicious in conversation but he just gives one word answers.
Andy nearly jumps out of his chair when a chat window pops up.
Vicious69: yo
Andy feels his heart race and his fingers twitch. He types ‘Hi’ with a smiley face, and then backspaces immediately, removing the emoticon.
BeyondInfinity: Hi
Vicious69 you from c-falls, huh?
Andy starts typing Yeah, you? but decides against naivety.
BeyondInfinity: Yeah. You in high school?
Vicious69: College. U?
Suddenly stricken with fear that this guy will stop talking to him, Andy hastily types out a lie.
BeyondInfinity: Same here.
Vicious69: Cool. Which school?
He mentally calculates the closest large university.
BeyondInfinity: Ohio State
Vicious69: Same.
Andy groans aloud.
BeyondInfinity: Small world
Vicious69: Big school. Dorm or commute?
BeyondInfinity: Commute. It’s a bitch.
He’s getting good at this fake identity thing.
Vicious69: I’ll bet. I dorm.
They talk and talk, quickly switching from school (thank God) to their likes and dislikes. They don’t exchange names and they barely flirt aside from a generic exchange of physical descriptions. Andy tries not to be disappointed.
Vicious69: Look, I gotta go. Wanna meet back here tomorrow?
Andy’s stomach does a somersault.
BeyondInfinity: Sure.
Vicious69: Same time. C ya, Infinity.
BeyondInfinity: Bye, Vicious.
The next day Andy’s racing for the bus home, anxious and counting down the hours until his online rendezvous. He bounds to the back of the bus, flopping down. Looking outside, he sees Sid getting into his car. He can’t remember the last time he saw him; he looked – good. Andy felt his chest seize up and his mouth run dry when he caught a glimpse of the license plate: Vicious
It’s just a coincidence he tells himself the rest of the night, barely able to eat dinner.
“Andy, what’s wrong with you? You look awful.” his mom asks, worry evident in her voice.
“I’m fine. Just a little queasy.”
“Can I eat his dinner, mom?”
“No, Molly. Andy, I’ll save your plate. Why don’t you go lay down.”
He nods, lost in thought, and heads upstairs. He throws on a pair of sweats, an old T-shirt and stares at the clock until its time for their chat.
Andy manages to wait ten minutes before asking. He’s proud of himself.
BeyondInfinity: What’s your handle mean?
Vicious69: Can’t I just be a vicious human being?
BeyondInfinity: You don’t scare me.
Vicious69: Must be losing my touch, lol. It’s for Sid Vicious.
Andy’s breath catches in his throat. Just a coincidence. It’s just a coincidence, his brain repeats like a mantra.
BeyondInfinity: Ah. Big fan, then?
Vicious69: Yeah. Plus we share a first name, so.
Andy covers his face in his hands, his mind reeling with the knowledge of who is most likely sitting at the other end of their conversation. Not some college boy from Ohio State but Sid Phillips from ten miles away.
Andy jumps at the incoming message chime.
Vicious69: Your turn.
BeyondInfinity: Huh?
Vicious69: Told you mine, you tell me yours.
Moment of truth time: continue the lie or he can come clean. He decides to go halfway.
BeyondInfinity: Andrew.
There’s a brief pause before Sid responds and Andy feels his palms begin to sweat.
Vicious69: So Andrew. We gonna do anything besides talk?
Andy’s pulse races and he licks his lips.
BeyondInfinity : Like what?
Vicious69: Like me sliding to my knees and taking your dick in my mouth
Andy’s brain nearly shorts out. He stares at the words, heat pooling around his eyes and flooding throughout his body.
He forces himself to type.
BeyondInfinity: Yeah uh. We can do that.
Vicious69: lol, you sure?
BeyondInfinity: Yes. Yeah.
Vicious69: so i’m on my knees, licking your cock, taking you in my mouth.
The words make his eyes grow hazy and his cock twitch beneath his sweatpants. Still…
BeyondInfinity: This is kinda weird…
Vicious69: it’s supposed to be hot, dude..
Andy doesn’t know what to say to that. He feels his face heat with embarrassment, more so with the knowledge that it’s Sid Phillips who he’s completely flaking out on right now.
Vicious: What, you need to be kissed first or something?
Andy feels his face heat up even more.
BeyondInfinity: Maybe, I dunno.
Vicious69: alright.
Andy bites his lip, waiting while Sid presumably types.
Vicious69: so we’re on your bed, in your room, watching some stupid movie. We’re laughing at the bad acting, watching each other more than the screen. I lean over and press my lips to yours, licking your bottom one, pushing my tongue inside, sliding it over your teeth. You gasp into my mouth and I grab the back of your neck, kissing you harder.
Andy’s room is filled with the sound of his own breathing, his eyes transfixed on the screen. The images in his head are incredibly vivid, and all he can think is Sid, this is Sid.
He forces himself to type as his cock hardens beneath his sweats.
BeyondInfinity: I brush my tongue against yours, kissing you deeper. I roll us over so i’m on top of you, fitting our bodies together. I move, wanting to feel u, moaning against youre lips.
Vicious69: fuck. i drag my hands up and down your back, diggin in a little. u groan against my mouth and i start kissing ur neck, sucking. u jerke agaist me as a squeez ur ass.
Andy’s rock hard now, his breathing ragged. He presses his palm to his cock, rubbing furiously above the fabric.
BeyondInfinity: oh god sid. touch me
Vicious69: shit andrew.. wanna squeeze your ass, fel ur cock against me. mak u come.
Andy rubs himself harder, reveling in the delicious friction.
BeyondInfinity: do it.. fuck.
Vicious69: are u tuchin urself
BeyondInfinity: yyess. u?
Vicious69: fck yeah
Andy pulls his sweats down, his cock bobbing out. He grips it firmly and starts to stroke.
Vicious69: wanna flip u onto ur back, pin u by ur hips, take ur dick in my mouth
Andy moans aloud and types with increasingly unsteady fingers.
BeyondInfinity: suck me sid.. plese
Vicious69: god id do it so hard.. make u screm. scream 4 me, andy..
Andy can barely see Sid’s words through the heat in his eyes. He thrusts up into his hand, feeling his balls tighten and slicking his cock with pre-come as he strokes himself harder, faster.
Through it all, he manages to type.
BeyondInfinity: so close
Vicious69: me 2
BeyondInfinity: comeon
Andy’s head falls back and he bites his lip, his hips thrusting upward. He bites down on his fist to muffle the scream as he comes all over his T-shirt.
After a few moments, he reaches for the tissues on the desk, swallowing large, gulping breaths. The chat log hasn’t changed since his last response.
He watches the screen.
Vicious69: fuck
Andy laughs shakily.
BeyondInfinity: yeah
Vicious69: was that hot enough for you?
BeyondInfinity: LOL, I’ll say.
Andy suddenly wishes he could see Sid. His flushed face, his cock. His next response nearly types itself.
BeyondInfinity: Wish I could’ve seen you come
At least a minute passes before Sid replies, terror seizing Andy like a vice.
Vicious69: Sorry, clean up ;) Same here. I’m home from school this weekend..
His brain gets caught on the winking smiley face for a moment before thinking, you’re home all the time.
Andy sits up straight, his heart suddenly pounding. If he agrees to meet, Sid will know he was lying as well. Maybe he’ll be pissed when he discovers it was only Andy Davis he hooked up with and not some experienced college boy.
I must be out of my mind, he thinks, typing the words before he can change his mind.
BeyondInfinity: I’m free Saturday..
Vicious69: Cool. Wanna meet at Rocketship Park?
Andy grins, loving that Sid calls the park by its unofficial name.
BeyondInfinity: Yeah. How’s 2pm?
Vicious69: Sounds good.
BeyondInfinity: K. Well. Goodnight..
Vicious69: lol, aren’t you forgetting something?
Andy blushes again.
BeyondInfinity: oh, uh. *kisses you slowly, my tongue teasing between your lips* Goodnight
Vicious69: ROFL. I meant how we’re going to spot each other
Andy’s sure he’s scarlet red to the tips of his ears. He wishes the ground would swallow him whole.
BeyondInfinity: Oh. Yeah.
Vicious69: haha. I’ll be wearing an Alkaline Trio shirt, okay?
Andy just wants to get out of this chat while he still has some of his dignity in intact.
BeyondInfinity: Sure. Night then.
Vicious69: Hey. *spins you around and pulls you close, kissing you hard, parting your lips with my tongue until youre moaning, until u melt against me, before releasing u with one final kiss* Goodnight
BeyondInfinity: :-) goodnight
Andy can’t wipe the actual grin off his face. He cuts and pastes the chat log into a word doc and re-reads it slowly until he stops dead on one section.
Andy.
Sid called him Andy.
He thinks about it all week, unable to shake the feeling that it was more than just an abbreviation. He doesn’t see Sid at all at school, even when he deliberately alters his normal routine in hopes of running into him.
__________________________________
It’s 2:15 p.m. on Saturday and no sign of Sid. There’re no other teenagers at the park and the swings are all occupied so he’s sitting on a sand covered bench near the Rocketship slide, pretending as though his head doesn’t jerk up every time someone walks through the gate. He’s convinced Sid pulled up, saw it was Andy and bolted.
Ten more minutes and that’s it
Andy looks toward the entrance and swallows hard. There’s Sid, backwards hat tucking back most of his hair, black and red Alkaline Trio shirt overly present.
Sid’s eyes dart around until they come to stop on Andy.
Andy steels his heart and waves; Sid doesn’t look surprised. A rueful grin plays over Sid’s lips as he approaches.
Sid stops in front of him, looking him up and down. “You look a little young for a college guy.”
Andy’s face flares up and squints at Sid through the sunlight. “So do you.”
Sid’s grin widens. “Busted,” he says, taking a seat.
Andy rubs his hands on his jeans. “You don’t seem surprised.”
Sid raises his chin. “Neither do you.”
“Saw your license plate Monday,” he mumbles.
“So you.. you knew when we..”
Andy studies his face. Sid looks surprised now, flabbergasted even.
“Yeah. Didn’t you?”
Sid scratches at the back of his neck and kicks at the sand beneath his feet. “Had a pretty good idea. You’re the only person outside an astronomy fanatic who’d have that ridiculous screen name.
Andy knocks his knee into Sid’s. “Hey, I might’ve been an astronomy fanatic. You never bothered to ask!” His voice mock indigence.
Sid grins and Andy’s smiles back, feeling ten pounds lighter.
Sid breaks the moment by looking down at his hands. “Guess I just didn’t expect you to do that once you knew who I was.”
His voice sounds painfully self-deprecating. Andy may not have seen much of Sid Phillips these past few years but the Sid he did know would never sound like that.
“I thought the same about you.”
Sid’s eyes shoot up, flaring with something akin to anger. “Well, you’re wrong.”
Andy’s gaze slips to the pink of Sid’s mouth, wanting so badly to feel those lips against his own. “So are you.”
The heat fades from Sid’s eyes, morphing to incredulity but he nods anyway, bumping his arm against Andy’s. Andy smiles and presses into the touch.
“Always wanted to play with you when we were kids,” Sid says, quietly.
“You had a funny way of showing it,” Andy says, mildly.
He watches Sid shrug and then look around at the kids and parents in the park.
“Are we the only gay kids in this town or what?”
Andy laughs, feeling a little crazy. “Seems that way.”
Sid touches Andy’s leg, a fleeting brush of fingertips. “S’good thing we found each other, then.”
Sid’s voice his steady, his tone boarding on indifference but Andy can still feel those phantom fingertips against his leg and watches as Sid smiles like he’s holding in a secret.
“Yeah. It’s a good thing.”
~~~~~~~~ Back to Toy Story ~~~~~~~~
