Three Wishes

Chapter 1 - Puny Fairy

Crammed in his lamp and utterly miserable, Norm moped in silence, cursing his luck, not for the first time, and most of all, cursing that buck-toothed Turner who had somehow managed to get him in yet
another tight fix. The memory of Crocker suffocating on Mars only served to cheer him up for so long, then the novelty began to wear off.

“Merry Christmas!”

The genie mentally winced at the ten-year-old’s high-pitched voice as he felt himself spin through the air and hit something hard, landing with a clatter. He couldn’t see anything due to the wrapping paper currently encasing his glass lamp, and he took a brief moment to morn over the fact that the supposedly fragile material was indestructible. If it hadn’t have been, it could have broken on whatever he’d hit, and finally set him free! But no. Fate was against him. From his entrapped position, he could only listen helplessly to the telltale ‘pop!’ noises of Tooth-Wonder and his two godparents as they disappeared, laughing hysterically at his situation. Worst of all, it wasn’t even Christmas. Damn what he’d do if he ever got free…if only- A deep baritone voice interrupted his thoughts soundly, and he spun slightly in his lamp, though it did no good, trying futilely to get a sense of direction from within his confinement.

“Who’s there? If it’s you Timmy Turner, I’ll-…what’s this?”

Norm felt his lamp lift then felt a spark of hope light in his chest as he recognized the voice of Jorgen Von Strangle. The self-obsessed, GI-Joe, tanker fairy didn’t have enough brains to feed a flea for a day, rivaling Cosmo in his stupidity, and Norm felt his chances of escape rising by the second. Fairies had no need of genie magic, as Timmy had made certain to point out (several times), and when dealing with a man as dim-witted as Jorgen, his own mastermind could scheme his way free in an instant! If nothing else, the man would simply make his wishes and leave him be.

“A present?” Norm dropped his head in his hands, resisting the urge to bang his head against the side of his lamp. Then again, at this rate, it would take the man eternity to discover how unwrap him, let alone get him out. “I love presents…” Keeping silent, the genie listened impatiently as the door shut and once again wished that he could at least see. If only he could grant his own wishes. Then, the most dreaded thing happened. “…but you’ll have to wait for now. I have thousands of puny fairies to crush! AHA!”

If magical beings could have committed suicide…

But they couldn’t, and Norm had to simply wait, in silence, on a shelf, alone, watching the purple material float idly through his fancy prison with nothing better to do. After what felt like an eternity, he heard a door open, and if he could have jumped for joy, he would have. Alas, he had neither legs, nor space to jump in, and had to settle for silent hopes. A yawn greeted his eager ears, then heavy footsteps, and he almost lost hope just before that lovely drill-sergeant tone returned.

“Oh! I almost forgot about you…ah, but after a day of puny fairy crushing….I am in the mood for a nice, quiet bubble bath. With my rubber DUCKY! Maybe I will open you tomorrow-“

“NO!” The desperate genie forgot his silent pretense in an instant, nearly shaking his lamp with the shout and apparently startling his captor, because for a brief time, the room fell silent. Then:

“You dare challenge the might of Jorgen Von STRANGLE and my incredible BICEPS?” The voice boomed, seeming to echo about the room and reminding the wincing genie of a clap of thunder. After a moment, remembering his far superior intellect, the confidant mystic gathered together his ego once more, puffing out his chest inside the lamp though his oppressor couldn’t see, and placing stubborn hands on his hips.

“Yes! I dare challenge the might of Jorgen Von Blah blah blah…and I demand you let me out of here this instant! Or you’ll be regretting your existence with every bulging muscle on your body!”

As if the man had actually paused to consider that that would be, indeed, a lot of regret, the room went silent once again, then Norm felt his heart leap as the paper encasing his prison began ripping away. In under three seconds, he found himself face to face with the scowling expression of a very, very large fairy, only made bigger by the fact that, while in his lamp, he stayed reduced to that size. It took a lot of strength of will not to cringe at that moment.

“Explain yourself, puny, lamp-encased fairy. Who ARE you?”

“Well, actually,” Norm corrected while bringing a hand to arrange his red bowtie slightly, “the term ‘fairy’ is incorrect, since I am, in fact, a genie, but-“

“A genie?” The tanker laughed, the sound so loud it threatened to break all fragile things in the room, including the genie’s ears. “You’re a genie? A real…GENIE?” His words had begun to break up by then, tears of laughter forming even as Norm folded his arms in disgruntled agitation. Why did he always get the idiots? No one had any respect these days, honestly. “W-will you give me…three, all powerful WISHES?” Again, Jorgen burst out laughing, apparently so terribly amused by his own excuse for a joke, that he couldn’t bring himself to stop. By the time the noises finally died down, the caramel-skinned mystic had cheeks the color of ripe cherries, his violet eyes narrowed with a dangerous glint and black shades hanging low on his nose.

“Are you quite finished yet?” The fairy snickered once, but looked quite satiated, and eventually, Norm took up speaking again. “Good. Now, since you obviously have no use for me, how about we make a deal? You rub the lamp-“

“Whoa, there puny fairy-“


“SILENCE!” Inside his lamp, Norm covered his ears as the hulk crushed his bazooka-sized wand into the poor unsuspecting floor, creating a deafening boom almost as loud as the man’s voice. “Why would I make a deal with YOU? I think you would look very nice next to my RUBBER DUCKY-“

“Hey, hey, hey! Easy there, man!” The genie defended hastily, looking desperate as a giant hand caught his lamp and brought it towards a bathroom, the last place he wanted to spend the rest of eternity. To his relief, the guy at least paused, and his cunning mind went into instant overtime, his mouth moving a mile a minute. “Genie’s have their own advantages, you know. And what harm will it do you to let me out? If you don’t want your wishes, you can just wish me free and I’ll be indebted to you for a lifetime! And eternity is a long lifetime, mind you… If you have someone you want to get back at, a deed you don’t want to do yourself, anything! I’m your man… With my brains and your brawn, we could go anywhere!” Anything to get him out of this confounded lamp…

Much to his amazement, the man actually seemed to consider his offer, and he hadn’t have known it would wrinkle his tux and destroy his image completely, he might have hugged the man with relief when he felt the familiar suction of freedom tugging him out of the lamp as Jorgen rubbed.

“Oh yes, it is good to be free!” The genie uttered at last with a giant breath of fresh air, grinning from ear to ear and violet eyes dancing with the possibilities. “Jorgen, man, you have no idea how much I’m indebted to you…” He said, still smirking behind his shades as he gave the commando-fairy a pat on the back. “If there is ever anything I can do for you, just drop me a line, but, you know how things are, things to do, people to see, gotta run!”

“STOP!” He had just made it to door when Jorgen’s voice caught up with him, and no language had the words for the things he wanted to say. “You still owe me three wishes!”

Once, twice: Norm’s fists clenched and unclenched, and he took two deep breaths before plastering on a smile as he turned in mid-air, his look icy as he notched his shades the barest hint lower with a look to the larger fairy. “Yes,” he admitted slowly, making a strong effort not to grit his teeth and speak in the air of a parent explaining something to a very dull child, “but since you’re a fairy…you obviously don’t need my limited magic, so there’s really no reason for-“

“I think there’s reason.” The genie almost blurted out ‘You think?’, mildly surprised by the fact that the testosterone-obsessed figure could actually manage to fit a single conscious thought in his thick skull, but held his tongue when the large fairy continued. “I have three rule free wishes! And you have to do everything I say.” Norm felt a sudden dread rising in his throat, the familiar knot of uncertainty that always built up in the face of a lawyer or court judge. Maybe, just maybe, he had underestimated the fairy’s strength of will?

“Well, yes, I suppose-“

“I wish you had two legs! And walked instead of floating.” Norm only had a brief second to look startled before his own magic went to work against him and he let loose a startled screech before getting control of himself, stumbling, back to the doorframe he’d just been floating in as he tried to get a bearing on how to stand.

‘Two legs. Walked instead of floating. Well, at least he’s already used two-‘

“And I wish for three more wishes!”

“Eh?!” The genie barely managed to comprehend the words before stuttering out his objection, still trying to get a hold of his balance, clinging to the doorknob and frame for support. “That’s against the rules! You can’t-“

“You granted Crocker more wishes!” The fairy general exploded and Norm cringed, blushing red against his tanned skin behind his shades and stuttering, hating the fact that he’d been caught. “Genies have scammed humans for centuries, but not the magical world!”

“You-…you watched that?”

Jorgen grinned, the look menacing in a way that left no doubt in the genie’s mind that this fairy enjoyed watching the pain of others, and most of all, inflicting it himself. “Yes. Watching Turner is more fun than the fairy soaps! And I have to make sure that he doesn’t end up sending fairy world into ruin…AGAIN!”

Norm frowned, getting into at least partial control of his limbs and working his way back out of the doorframe to just lean against the wall (much more dignified). There, he adjusted his sunglasses, then began the process of inspecting his nails with a falsely disinterested look. “Fine, fine. You’ve got your three more wishes, but-“

Before he could get out another word, an explosion powerful enough to blow his eardrums erupted in the room, and the next instant, as the nuclear effects of Jorgen’s ‘poof’ faded away, the genie coughed, blinking to gather his surroundings and squinting through the smoke. Reasonably quickly, he found that he’d ended up in a bedroom, and for a panic-filled moment his heart gave a sudden stuttering thud, like a live sparrow caged in his chest as he stumbled backwards on clumsy legs unaccustomed to walking. When his wide eyes landed on the huge, hulking figure looming over him, it took all the pride and strength he had left in him not to collapse then and there. For once in his life, he felt utterly and completely helpless, and he hated it.

“Please, man, tell me you’re kidding me…” The genie muttered, reaching up a nervous hand to his bowtie a second time as if it had suddenly grown too tight and swallowing as he tried to keep up a pretense of sarcasm. “This is terribly funny and all, but-…”

“You think I’m FUNNY, puny fairy?”

A single shade of color dropped from Norm’s perfect tanning-bed-tan skin. “Uh…” He raised a hand in preparation to point out once again that he was not a fairy of any sort, puny or no, but a gorilla grip slipped behind his neck before he could get out a word, and the next instant, he found himself shell-shocked, wide-eyed, and lip-locked with his new master, cheeks on fire with shame and already weak legs trembling with the effort to hold him up.

Kissing Jorgen was like kissing a boulder, except perhaps slightly softer…and warmer…and-… Norm cut off his train of thoughts abruptly, shoving hands up against the brick wall of the other’s chest and shaking his head in an effort to disengage. “Whoa, whoa, whoa! Back it up! Hold it right there, time out…” He made a ‘T’ symbol with his hands to signal the time out, breath coming slightly shakier than he would have hoped as he gave the startled-silent fairy an odd look from behind his shades, the dark glasses falling low one his nose and only adding to his uncertain expression. “Let’s get this straight right now, I am a ladies man…you know, women? Parties? With dresses and tight bikinis?” He made an hourglass figure in the air, leaving a magical smoke-silhouette of the female figure that hung suspended for a few seconds before dissipating. At Jorgen’s expression, he grumbled. “You seriously need to get out more…”

“I am Jorgen Von STRANGLE! I don’t need this NONSENCE! You do what I say!” The genie gave a startled mixture between a grunt and a scream as the former five-star general aimed the bazooka wand at his chest, then slung him across the room with magical energy, leaving him to shake and stutter at a momentary loss for words when he only half-way hit the bed, his legs on the floor and back on the mattress before he slipped off completely and hit the ground with a wince, only to scowl at his captor.

“You blundering idiot! At least be careful with me! Do you know how much this suit costs? And I don’t trust my insurance company if you break any bones-…ah…” He gave a minor grimace as he arched his back slightly with a ‘pop’. “…and I can’t really grant any ‘rule free’ wishes…if I’m dead. Keep that in mind next time you feel like playing rag doll, ok, G.I.?”

“That’s Jorgen Von STRA-“

“Yeah, yeah! I got it, I got it! Ngh…” The genie gave a quiet pant, still trying to situate himself from his position on the floor and eventually managing to lift himself up to a half-balanced position against one of the bed posts, knees still shaky from inexperience. “I need to work out more…”

“Yes! So you can have incredible BICEPS! Like ME! HA! But you will never match the incredible might, of JO-“

“Let me guess, Jorgen Von STRANGLE?” The genie quirked an eyebrow, then smirked at the slightly deflated look he received from his captor.

“I…do not like you…”

“Aha! Problem solved! I don’t like you either! So, here’s a novel idea…how about…you let me go? Hm? Sound good? Just say the words… ‘Norm, I wish you were free…’ Yeah? Got that? Come on, really…just-“ A yellow star the size of his chest, which happened to be attached to a long black pole taller than he was, pointed at his neck, and he shut his lips so quickly one could almost hear the sound of them clapping together. He might not have liked the idea of entrapment, but at least he’d gotten used to it. And if he died, he’d never be free again.

“Get. On. MY BED!”

Norm twisted a finger in his ear with yet another wince as he crawled backwards, making it onto the sheets rather awkwardly with a dissatisfied frown. “You know, you’re really going to give me a migraine with all that shouting…is this really the way you want to start our relationship? And so far it’s been all about you. You, you, you, couldn’t there ever just be one time where-“


“Nngh…I guess that’s a no, then?” The giant wand lifted again and he gave a bored scowl, dropping his head back to the pillow and folding his arms as he glared at the ceiling. “This will never make it on television…” Feeling the bed dip (rather considerably), Norm gave a fleeting glance to the giant at the foot of the bed, and felt his heart drop out of his stomach as he realized the tanker hadn’t put more than one knee of his weight on the thing, and it was already groaning as if it might cave in under the pressure. “What are you, a freight train?” The suddenly nervous genie’s well manicured nails tapped anxiously across his forearm, and for the record, he crossed his legs, a strong show of mastery over his newfound body parts put into action at the last minute for survival’s sake.

“No.” The word came out gruff and rolling, thick with the man’s heavy accent but hinting at something else as the huge fairy smirked viciously. “I’m bigger.”

The genie paled, looking nearly white for one instant before turning green, then disappearing with a faint pop and sparkle from the bed. Letting loose a nearly animalistic growl, a nuclear explosion marked the spot as Jorgen followed after, disappearing one moment and reappearing the next in the middle of the Sahara, directly next to a nearly terrified looking genie.

“I wish you were on my bed…AGAIN! And I wish you wouldn’t leave until I say so!” With an audible moan, the dispirited genie disappeared again, and Jorgen returned to his bedroom to find the magical con artist standing in the middle of a pile of ashes with his eyebrows raised. Apparently, his nuclear exit had done some serious damage to the furniture. “Heh.”

For one moment, the silver haired fairy looked the slightest bit guilty, then, the genie gave only a startled muffle of surprise as a fully formed bed, slightly larger than the cindered one it replaced, popped into existence beneath him, leaving him on his back in an awkward sprawl amidst the sheets. This time, Jorgen simply appeared above him, looking for all his worth like a hungry tiger atop his prey, and Norm could only squirm, using two arms for all their worth as his clumsy legs kicked almost uselessly against the sheets. In a backwards crab crawl, he eventually made it rather clumsily to a backed up position against the headboard, pulling his legs to his chest with the help of his hands and giving a lopsided half-grin that only further betrayed his major state of discomfort with the situation at hand.

“You know…it’s not like I’m a blushing virgin or anything, nearly impossible when you’ve been around for as long as I have…several…thousand years… But I havn’t done anything like this since the sultans of Agrabah! And I’m not all that enthusiastic about doing it again…really…” By this point, he was waving his arms in front of him as a fairly pathetic attempt to wave the other off, but Jorgen would have none of it.

“I do not CARE what you think…you are MINE! And you will do as I say!”

The genie looked physically pained by the words, his expression desperate but eyes nearly void of hope. “Yeah, well, that being as it is…must you keep reminding me?”

“I wish for three more wishes!” The fairy boomed, and Norm groaned, covering his already shaded eyes as he gave a dull hand wave and nodded glumly.

“Yeah, yeah, man…got it…right…totally.” With his eyes covered, he gave a very undignified screech of his surprise as a hand the size of a bowling ball cuffed his ankle and he clawed at the pillows, dignity completely forgotten, as the giant dragged him across the sheets with the ease of a Great Dane dragging a rat toy. “W-wait! Are you sure you want to do this?! I can be so much more useful in…other ways! And aren’t you engaged? I heard you were marrying the tooth fairy! You don’t want to loose a dame like that for me, do you?”


When another hand gripped his opposite ankle, giving the fairy complete control of both his legs, the genie groaned, his glasses falling off one ear as he ran a hand down his face, at a loss. “Oh, for the love of-“

“I wish you were OBEDIENT!”  

                ~~~~~~~~ Back to Fairly Odd Parents ~~~~~~~~ Chapter 2


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