Three Wishes
Chapter 2 - Rubber Ducky
Norm stared, jaw slack in utter disbelief for a few moments before he shook his head rapidly. “Hey, hey, hey! Come on now, don’t you think that’s a little harsh? I can tone it down, really, and-“
“SILENCE!!!” If he had received a penny every time Jorgen shouted that word…he’d have been rich enough long ago to buy his way out of this slavery. “Say NOTHING unless I tell you to!”
“Nothing unless I tell you to.” The genie repeated in a glum mutter, folding his gold-banded arms tightly across his chest with a scowl. Moments later, a painfully tight gag appeared around his mouth, and if it hadn’t have startled him silent and hurt like hell, he might have muttered ‘kinky’ before dissipating the magically conjured material with his own mystic talents. As soon as his ability to speak returned however, the humor had left his voice completely. “What do you think you’re doing?! Was that imitation cotton? It tasted like polyester fabric! And hardly clean either…god awful stuff if you know what I-“
“Will you…SHUT UP!”
“Uhh…was that a…question? Or an order? Because technically-“
“CLOSE YOUR MOUTH!”
The genie’s lips clapped together like shutter doors, locking into place and staying firmly pressed as if someone had suddenly sealed them with super glue. Silently, he sent the looming fairy a violet-eyed glare, sporadic bursts of purple lightning filling the air for a few moments, though that likely had more to do with his magic than his glaring. Obviously relieved to finally have quiet, Jorgen let out a satisfied sigh, looking far more content than the scowling sprite beneath him.
“FINALLY…blessed silence… Now…we will do what I want to do…and you will not struggle. TO THE RUBBER DUCKY!”
For the record, Norm decided that was more a declaration than an order, and didn’t feel the least ‘disobedient’ when he squirmed like a cat trying to escape a bath as the other’s barrel arms wound their way around his far-frailer body like two giant rock snakes. Not that it did him much good, considering Jorgen’s grip was more a suffocating vice lock than anything else, but it didn’t hurt to try, right? Well, it did hurt, but the brief pain more than made up for the pride he saved. How would it look if he simply let the Jorgen Monstrosity drag him off to his doom without a struggle? Certainly very un-genie-like to say the least, and since he didn’t have more than his pride, his race, and his gender to rightfully claim as his (with his status as a man being heavily threatened), protecting his origin and sense of self were suddenly very high on his list.
At first, he couldn’t see, Jorgen’s ‘poof’ apparently relocating them to someplace very…foggy. Then, the unmistakable aroma of tropical shampoo and wild kiwi body soap assaulted his senses in a menagerie of colorful fragrances so thick he nearly choked. By the time things came into focus, he had spent so much time identifying the scents, that he hadn’t taken one moment to assess his own position, and when his mind filtered back through the complex jungle of smells into the present, his sense of reality and self-control went haywire.
He sat in a warm bath surrounded by an abundant supply of dense, foamy white bubbles. Thankfully, small soapy pockets of air did a decent job of covering up completely the fact that he wore nothing whatsoever aside from the few odd pieces of gold jewelry attached to his body (including arm-bracelets, earrings, and the gold band that kept his raven hair firmly atop his head in a high pony), and his sunglasses. Unfortunately, the bubbles did nothing to hide what he could feel, which at that moment happened to include rippling biceps, triceps, pectorals, abdominals, and one other very large muscle he had no interest in even letting himself think about for the time being. Each of them happened to be pressed flush against his very bare back in a way that would have made almost anyone squirm with apprehension.
“Now-“ When the fairy spoke, his baritone voice rumbling in the unsuspecting genie’s ear like the thud of a deep drumbeat, Norm shot up like a startled fish, leaping from the water then tumbling back down again the next instant against the far wall of the tub, his untrained legs unable to support him for more than a few seconds on the slippery, unstable surface. Heart pounding and glasses shamefully askew, the usually composed and self-confident genie gave an awkward attempt at a smile that came off more as a grimace, his cheeks painfully heated to a color brighter than the strawberry pink shampoo perched to the side of him on the tub.
He had to get a hold of himself. This simply would not work. He was Norm! The magical genie! He could do better than this. So much better than this… Rearranging his shades to a more proper place on his face and giving his fairy companion a short assessing glance as he got his act together, Norm took several slow breaths, his mind working at an amazing pace to bring forward a solution. By the time the tanker spoke, he felt considerably more at peace, a plan already forming.
“What is your name, sprite?”
Norm quirked an eyebrow, then gave an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry, I don’t believe I ever got the chance to properly introduce myself.” Bringing a fist over his mouth he gave a short cough to clear his throat before spreading his arms in a dramatized gesture to form the flashing letters of his name in neon lights over his head. “I am NORM, the magical genie! Here and at your service to grant all your wishing…needs. Express service if the wishes have anything to do with destroying Canada.” The ‘M’ in ‘Norm’ creaked slightly, the neon lighting going dull then flickering out for a moment before the genie snapped and the entire apparition disappeared. “So…what can I do for you today?”
For a moment, the fairy looked utterly perplexed as of what to make of the display he’d just witnessed, then, his expression hardened. “Come to me. NOW! And bring the shampoo while you’re at it…”
Resisting the urge to drop his face in his hands, Norm snatched the shampoo, then closed the distance between them with a single pop of magic, eyebrow raised as he flicked open the bottle of soapy pink material with his thumb. “Your wish is my command. Anything else?”
“My rubber ducky.” Pop. “My hand soap.” Pop. “My washcloth, my back scrubber, my conditioner, toothbrush, floss, spaghetti fork-“
“Are you quite through yet?!?” The genie near exploded, panting, red-faced, as he glared accusingly at the growing assortment of various items piling up to create a mountain beside them. Jorgen looked sheepish for a moment, like a child caught in a misdemeanor, and his reply came out oddly quiet for his character.
“I like giving orders.” He muttered, and Norm only shook his head with sarcastic grumble.
“Really? I never would have guessed.”
“QUIET!” Apparently that was all of the ‘calm’ Jorgen he would get for the day, and the violet-eyed sprite gave a disgruntled sigh, relenting without struggle. “Now…touch my incredible BICEPS!”
The headstrong genie nearly drew the line at that, opening his mouth in preparation for a rant before deflating as his own magic went to work against him, and his hand ‘obediently’ reached out, then, remembering his plan, he let the barest touch of two fingers splay out into his entire hand, his open palm traveling with finite care over the rock hard expanse of the fairy’s forearm. Swallowing his pride, he didn’t have to fake the blush of shame that rose in his cheeks as he slid his hands over the man’s rocky flesh like a common whore. When he spoke, he put up every effort to keep the tone from sounding forced, but considering that it came out more like a hoarse croak than actual speech, he wasn’t all too pleased with the result.
“You have…beautiful biceps…”
From the general’s reaction, he guessed the man hadn’t noticed the disgust and irony laced into his tone, the silver-haired figure beaming with pride and appreciation. “YES! For I am Jorgen Von STRANGLE! Toughest fairy in the UNIVERSE!!”
“God, this universe must have some puny-…” Violet met with steel grey and the genie shut his mouth, offering a salesman’s grin to the clueless general and giving a rather forced laugh. “Joking, man…haha…funny, right?” When he gave a nervous pat to the man’s chest, his heart nearly dropped out of his chest as a hand the size of his face caught it, pinning it there before he’d even seen the man move. Eyes transfixed, his pulse fluttered, and for a moment, he thought the man might simply crush his fingers; he wouldn’t put it past him. Then, the grip yanked him forward, and he stared, wide-eyed and silent for once in his life, as their faces hung with less than three inches between them.
“Not. Funny.”
Norm swallowed, his cheeks hot and shaky grin only half-hearted. “Right, right, man, got it…totally not funny… Can you…uh…can you let me go now?”
“… No.” The genie frowned. “You do everything I say.”
“That may or may not be tru-…ow!” The fairy’s grip tightened to a painful vice on his fingers and the tan mystic squirmed, his expression twisted in a wince as he stuttered out quickly. “O-oh! Ha…yes…yes…everything…whatever you say…”
“Kiss me…” The genie looked incredulous, his eyebrows a notch above his glasses with a look that said ‘you’ve got to be kidding me’. “…as if you were a woman.” His entire figure slouched, like a deflating balloon.
“That last part…did you really have to-“
“Yes. NOW!”
Their lips met by magic, the distance closing immediately after completion of the command, and Norm grumbled, muttering something inaudible before grudgingly allowing the general to take control. Tan fingers splayed across the fairy’s boulder chest like a fan, teasing the taut, muscled flesh even as their lips mingled, and though he tried several times to imagine himself kissing a woman, the combination of rippling pectorals, gorilla arms and hungry lips with the tentative nature of a avalanche, he found it rather hard to compete, embarrassingly outmatched in every way possible.
When the fairy’s touch dragged him closer, he melded into the embrace without struggle, but when a stray hand graced his hip, reminding him undeniably of the fact that he sat in a tub, powerless and naked in the arms of a man at least five times his size, his mind snapped back into gear. This situation could most definitely not continue without certain vile consequences he didn’t want to consider, and that notion alone brought about the next stage of his escape plan.
With lips trained by thousands of years practice, the genie’s kisses slid from the man’s mouth, to his ear, then down. When they reached the juncture between neck and shoulder, he gave a quiet murmur, his question purposefully mumbled so the man couldn’t quite hear him. “Don’t you wish the tooth fairy was here?”
Jorgen’s puzzled expression looked slightly distracted, a second large hand falling to the genie’s hip and smoothing an almost tender circle over the soft, tan flesh before he shook his head with a mild frown. “What?”
“I asked…if you were sure you wanted this…” He lied simply, dipping his touch down the man’s chest, then beneath the edge of foam, tracing over an almost unbelievable amount of abdominal definition before lingering near the base of the man’s stomach, praying that his implication got a more vocal than physical answer.
To his eternal relief, the man answered with a harsh grunt of, “Yes!” And he only felt the barest hint of regret (no guilt), as his lips twitched up into a smirk, and he disappeared from the man’s arms.
“Your wish is my command.” He commented, the words hanging in the air even after he disappeared, and it took the startled and still bath-laden fairy a moment to realize he’d fallen for some form of trick. When a sparkling ‘poof’ to his right indicated a new arrival, he blinked in dull confusion as he locked eyes with the ocean-blue gaze of his wife. In another room altogether, Norm was plotting his escape, dry and fully dressed once again in his turquoise tux.
“Well…I think that could be safely considered ‘too close for comfort’,” he commented quietly to himself, raising an edgy hand to his tie with a frown as he tried to ignore the very unwelcome heat still coiled a bit too low in his stomach for his liking. ‘Women, think women,’ he mentally chided himself, searching for the whereabouts of his lamp and trying to gather together a final escape plan. Or, better yet, to get rid of the problem altogether: sultans. He shuddered. Fat men with turbans, shiny rings and the most perverted wishes one could think up? No thank you. Just as his eyes landed on the lamp however, a voice interrupted him, and he stopped dead in his tracks.
“JORGEN!!!” The high-pitched screech ran through his ears with a sound worse than bats, nails on a chalkboard, and kindergarteners at recess put together. To put it lightly, the genie, with his hands clamped over his ears, still felt as though someone had taken brittle glass, shattered it, and dragged it through one ear and out the other.
“My love! What is it?” The thudding base drum of the tanker fairy’s speech was such a polar opposite of the previous screaming, Norm’s ears nearly couldn’t take it, but in a way, it had the effect of a cool healing salve on wounded nerves, and at that moment, he almost would have kissed the man all over again, just for talking.
“Who’s that?” As if her ear shattering scream only seconds before had meant nothing, the pretty blue fairy’s tone now sounded merely curious, not terrified in the least, or even bothered, and if his ears hadn’t still been recovering from their previous meltdown, the seething genie could have likely come up with several very painful ways to ensure her ultimate demise.
“A…guest.”
“You know,” Norm said in a friendly tone dripping with false intent. “I was just on my way out, so if you two-“
“Oh, don’t leave yet!” The female fairy piped up with a chirpy voice befitting of her sparkling blue wings, matching make-up and tiny mini-skirt that showed more than it covered. “As long as I’m here…how about I fix up some dinner…” Various pots and pans appeared around her, floating mid-air as sparks of magic flickered about, stirring spoons and salad forks going to work all on their own at odd paces around her. “…and we can make it an event for once! I have to go around sundown…all those kids and their pillows…but we have a while till then!” With that, she began humming, a quick little tune that disappeared with her as she popped away, apparently relocating to the kitchen along with all of her dishes excluding one salad bowl which continued to float in the middle of the room. A few seconds later, and that too disappeared. At that point, Norm gave the frowning general an incredulous look, the usually rough and mighty fairy only looked more deflated at that, grumbling mildly but saying nothing.
“Your wife?”
“Just get in the kitchen.”
At the dinner table, Mrs. Josie Von Strangle had prepared a nutritionally perfect meal fit for thousands, filling the entire table and stacking it high, each and every ingredient made specifically to build strong and healthy teeth. Her chatter alone filled the silence, though she never seemed to notice, and rather quickly Norm found his gaze falling from her rapidly moving lips, to the rather generous breasts that just so happened to look like they wanted to jump out of her shirt. Exactly thirty-two minutes after the meal had began, a notice popped into the air before her, and she jumped from her seat, tiny wings fluttering at a rapid pace before she blushed and mumbled a rapid apology.
“First customer of the night! See you later, lovey buns.” She cooed, placing a quick kiss on her husband’s cheek before glancing in Norm’s direction and winking. “Play nice with Jorgey now!” With that, she disappeared, and it took a full three seconds before Norm burst out laughing, nearly falling from his chair in the process as he watched Jorgen’s cheeks burn red.
“Ohhh…dude, that’s priceless…and pathetic. Jorgey? Lovey buns? You must be kidding me…wow. I see why you’re desperate…but hey…you know…if she’s good in bed then-“
“ENOUGH!” With the disappearance of his wife, the fairy returned to his usual blusterous bellowing, slamming a fist in the middle of the table, breaking it in half, and frowning as all its contents heaped into a sudden pile before everything toppled onto the floor. Seconds later, he scowled, magicking it away with a wave of his hand and leaving the room empty. At least Norm had gone briefly silent, though he still retained a smirk as he leaned against the fall wall, legs crossed with a finger at the bridge between his glasses, eyeing his companion over the rim.
“Done now?”
“Not quite.” Seconds later, Norm found himself once again amidst sheets, and frowned as he found he could feel the silk against his bare back. A quick assessment determined he still wore pants, though he’d lost his shoes, and he lay pinned and shirtless beneath his captor, hands above his head and chained together with some rather clunky and uncomfortable form of handcuffs. When Jorgen appeared atop him, Norm smirked slightly, tilting his head to the side and catching the fairy off guard by not trying to escape.
“This the best you can do, Jorgey, my man?” He felt the sheets shift as the other man’s fists clenched in the cloth. “Come on, I feel a nap coming on if you don’t get more interesting then this…if you’re so determined to cheat on your wife, the least you can do is do it in style…I’m a magical genie! Start making some quality wishes.” After a moment, the genie’s form shifted, and Jorgen looked rather taken aback as a very female ‘Norm’ lay beneath him, supple breasts sustained by a flimsy cloth that left no room for the imagination. “But then again…I suppose you’re not interested in that, are you?” Again, the genie shifted, and this time, the fairy’s own wife stared back at him, feathery blue lashes batting suggestively before Norm sat up, still in tooth fairy form as he laid his cuffed arms lazily over the man’s shoulders. “But this is the very thing you’re trying to escape…what do you have against women, huh? I can be anyone you want…”
Briefly, he shifted down in size, becoming plainly smaller until there on the bed lay the self same Juandissimo Magnifico. Seeing this, the larger fairy groaned audibly, covering his eyes and shaking his head. “NO! Stop switching! It’s too CONFUSING! I WISH-“ For one moment, Norm’s heart leapt. Yes. Wish. Make a wish. Now. Anything! But the man cut of his sentence, frowning before glancing to the fully formed and normal figure of the typical Norm himself. “How many wishes do I have?”
The genie rolled his eyes, lying without a second thought. “Two.”
“Then-…wait. NEVER lie to the great Jorgen Von STRANGLE!”
“I wa-…” Norm prepared to deny the lie, but the command fell into place, and his magic took effect, causing him to look severely deflated. “I hate you.”
“How many wishes do I have left?” Norm said nothing. “ANSWER ME!”
Barely above a whisper, the fuming genie muttered hoarsely beneath his breath. “One.”
“Then I wish for three more wishes!! And don’t change again unless I TELL YOU. I do not want Josie…or Juandissimo…I want YOU! Now…REMOVE YOUR PANTS! By hand.”
Norm gave a very characteristic scowl, his cheeks heating only the slightest bit as he lowered his hands to the red sash of his pants. “You’re too predictable. Are you sure you’re ready to take our relationship to this level already? I mean, come on, we barely know each other! Whatever happened to the common courtesy of courting, a few first dates, a decent conversation, tea and cookies at a nice breakfast restaurant by the-“ Huge, calloused fingers covered his mouth, and he blinked up rather dully in mild surprise at the face hanging about an inch above him.
“You talk too much. And move too slow.” One snap, and Norm felt everything on him leave with a single poof.
Chapter 1 ~~~~~~~~ Back to Fairly Odd Parents ~~~~~~~~ Chapter 3
